smoke

he was the love of my life
not someone anyone would have picked for me
he had shoulder length white blonde hair
and a silver earring in his right ear (it was small_
and the most warmest and saddest brown eyes in the world
I had short black hair
my ears pierced but with no earrings
and with normal, muddy forest green eyes

the clock held still
tick tock tick tock
why such a cat, it was white
why such a crowd, very large
why such a person

he had a shirt that said "Free Hugs" is red letters
bold and welcoming
was my day going not well was i brave, should i call it foolhardy, did I take advantage
of that offer printed upon his t-shirt

the earring was a nice touch
to his nice face

i walked to him and said 'may i have a free hug?'
he scrutinized
with those chocolate eyes
how could they scrutinize so?
but i was in need of a hug
one he was willing to offer

he wrapped his white arms
around me and pressed me tight against him
a total stranger
the clock held still
tick tock tick tock
and his warm breath was all that was moving
for my heart had stopped
t-th-thump it fell back in place
as his arms gently pulled away
rain and sunshine and something faint that i couldn't detect

'thank you' I said
my eyes were attached to his
and string wrapped all around us
a strong gold rope connecting our hearts
a soft delicate spider silk connecting our eyes
a long invisible string that tied us together

the stranger with the earring
lifted his hands, dazed
like a puppeteer above controlled it
and stroked the side of my face
where a speckled skin patch stained it
and the puppeteer above pushed me towards him
the strings between us wrapped tighter
'you look like you needed it'
'am i pity case'
'no' his arm around my waist, 'i am'
and then he leaned in to kiss me
this total stranger
when i noticed the pack of cigarettes in his pocket
no wonder
my mind and vision went red with anger
and willed the gold rope connecting our hearts to burn
burn to crisp
though all the strings around us did
only the gold rope remained

i pushed a way
not roughly but gently
and pointed to his cigarretes
'i won't kiss a smoker'
'not even if it's a pity case'

his brown eyes
those sad and beautiful ones
willed me to come to help him
but how could i help him if he
couldn't help himself

those perfect shaped lips

he turned back and my heart yanked
dammit
this gold rope how to rid of it

a few weeks from then i came back
for the ice cream shoppe in the square
i ate it at the centre fountain
and sat on a bench all by myself
beneath a shady green tree
i sat indian style with no shoes
and leaned back to stare at the sky
it was white

and then i felt
a disturbance on the air
right beside me was the
earring man with white blonde hair
'i didn't smoke today'
he says casually
'why' i ask
'so i can spend the day with you'
'why'
'does there have to be a reason'
'you might be a crazy stalker'
'i'm not'
'i don't even know your name'
'names don't mean anything. but if you like, then call me Sora'
'well, how old are you, i don't know that either'
'twenty-two'
'and--'
'what's your name'
'Ash'
'and how old are you'
'sixteen' 'as i was saying, why do you smoke'
'i tried it once, and then again and again, and it stuck with me'
'what do you want'
'to hang out with you today'
'just today'
'maybe tomorrow'
'you smoke'
'and you hate me for it'
'i hate that you're weak enough to keep wasting your life, your time and your money on it'
he reached in his pocket for his ciggarretes
'unbelievable'
and he gave them to me
'i'm not going to smoke'
'dont''
i stood up and threw them away at the nearest trash can
'now can we talk without you judging me' he asked
'yes'

we stood and walked around the park
he told me the basics
his favourite colour, his favourite movie, his favourite food, his favourite activity
and i told him my basics
my favourite colour, my favourite movie, my favourite food, my favourite activity
he was ashamed to admit that his favourite activity was smoking
but at least it was honest

before i knew it
by the end of the day
i came to love his smile
his laugh
his reassuring touch that he gave me, when even though i was laughing, though i was trying to hide
all my feelings,
he still thought i needed
it's as if he looked right through me
my lies, my mistakes, my flaws
how?
i came to love
the way the wind blew his beautifully pale hair
how the skin around his mouth crinkled when he smiled
the way he walked
his slender arms when they reached out to point to something funny or odd
pretty much; everything


but
by the end of the day
he said 'i need a smoke'
and that's when i turned and left
without looking back
a week after that
on the same saturday
i visited the square again
and he was there
with that distinct blonde hair
and that distinct earring that caught the light of the sun
just for a moment
'are you still smoking' i approached him
'yes' he said
i noted the tone of denial and regret
'take nicotine patches, go into rehab'
'i'm sick. i'm weak. how can i'
'so you've completley given up'
'yes'
'you've given yourself to your lowest instinct. the lowest you can possibly go'
'i know'
'and your okay with this, slow painful death your living through'
'yes'
'take nicotine patches'
'no'
''no' is not an answer, it's an excuse'
he looked down
and the entire conversation he had avoided my eyes
and his cheeks blushed only so slightly that i barely noticed
i sat beside him
on that very same bench behind the fountain
and turned his face towards mine
he looked everywhere but my eyes
'look at me' i ordered, demanded with such a fierce tone
he did, but just for a breif second.
i kissed him then
closed my eyes and tasted him
how sweet this kiss was
so sweet
unlike all the other, slimy, horrible kisses i had shared in the past
but one that tasted just like he smelled when he didn't have ciggarettes
like rain and sunshine
he kissed me back
hesitantly
like a baby animal, exploring a new world

i turned away
and reached out to pat the pack
of cigarettes in his pocket
then stood up and left
the golden rope between us still held


i went back but he wasn't there
the next week i went back bust he wasn't there
for four months he wasn't there
and the golden rope chocked me
i cried once in my room
Sora's face always in the darkness that befell when i closed my eyes

school, seemed so much less bearable, because i knew that i wouldn't see him
faceless people who roamed the halls
said hello
faceless teachers
that gave me page numbers and homework
tasteless food that satisfied only my hunger
what a whitewashed school

and then i went to the square again that weekend
and there, there was a stranger sitting in that bench
he saw me and asked 'are you Ash'
i said 'yes'
he gave me a small envelope and said 'someone told me to give this to you'
inside was a note with an address
and i knew who it was from

i went to the nearby internet cafe
and looked it up
printed out the map for 75 cents
and followed it.

where it led me
was to a rich looking neighborhood
with extravagantly built houses
green lawns and thickets of flowers
classy doors and mailboxes
stone paves pathways

and i came upon a hosue
with cream coloured walls
and red tiled roofs
it was a Mediterranean house
huge
i even saw a pool in it's backyard

i looked self-conciously at my yoga pants
and baggy Publix t-shirt
took a brave deep breath
feeling my abdominal muscles expand and contract
then walked up the sandstone paved path
to the red door
and rang the doorbell.

the gold string unwrapped immediatly when the door opened
and connected joyously to the person i thought i had lost
sora
with his golden white hair and earring
stepped forward and hugged me
i smelled rain and sunshine
i reached out to touch his pockets
but there were no cigarette boxes

'hey' he said, smiling wide. he had two noticeable canines. a few crooked teeth. how i loved them
'hello' i said
'he pulled up his sleeve and showed me a square, skin-coloured patch
'it's a nicotine patch' he said needlessly.
i kissed him
practically threw myself onto him really
and screamed with joy against his perfectly shaped lips
he laughed, deep from inside him, and returned my kisses

'how long do you have to wear them?'
i asked breathlessly
'just for the rest of the year'
i kissed him again
and again
and again.
and again

the beginning

i plan, i think, to expand this story into novel form. add more to the characters, make them complex, add more. maybe even make it become a novel. what say you?